Bathing Beauty

20 years ago, this month I graduated high school. Instead of reliving being unpopular and awkward at my reunion, I decided to go to the beach in a bikini. The truth is 20 years ago this summer was the last time I wore one. I know this because unlike the sexy collegiate girls you see…

It Gets Easier

When I was nine months pregnant I could barely move. I’m 5’2 and the baby just had nowhere to grow. I waddled when I walked and snored when I inhaled. “Soon, he will come out. It will get better”, people would say. My baby was great in the hospital, but the second he came home…

Dolls Dont Yell Chocolate Diarreah

When I was a little girl, playing with dolls, I never imagined being a real mom would be filled with sounds of kids screaming “chocolate diarrhea” in the supermarket. I never pretended to convince brothers, who a minute ago were best friends, not to suffocate each other with pillows, or console a stranger because my…

Lies My Dad Told Me

Every little a girl grows up idolizing her dad.  I pretty much grew up embarrassed by mine.  My dad is loud, and wears very bright colors.  (In fact, in 1982 he owned a pair of bright yellow and a pair of bright red high top Reebok. Which,didn’t seem so bad when in ’86 he purchased…

Mid Life Crisis

I am pretty sure I’m going to die when I’m 70.  I know this because in three weeks I will be 35, and I am having a mid-life crisis. I have the attention span of a two year old.  That not only goes for reading, watching movies and keeping friends, but I am starting to…

Growing Up

Today is my son’s last day of Kindergarten.  It is bittersweet.  Nine months ago he couldn’t read, add, or tell me twenty random facts about China.  He didn’t know the “s-word” (stupid), or the “c-word” (Cooper).  He didn’t have twenty different words for penis or even know that movie nachos could be a lunch.  Yes,…