It was the early nineties and I was the girl middle school who could never figure out how to tight roll my jeans or tease my bangs high. When everyone was looking cool with shiny braces, I still had baby teeth. And by the time I needed them, I was in high school, taking me off of all the cool boys radar before I could even get on it. I was in all the average classes so I couldn’t hang out with the nerds, I wasn’t coordinated so I couldn’t hang out with the jock girls and I definitely wasn’t pretty enough to hang out with the popular girls. So I hung out with myself, and the one other girl like me. We pretended that we were confident and cool. We sat at a lunch table all to ourselves, and had full panic attacks when one of us was absent. I loved our friendship, but just like every teenage girl, I longed to be cool.
One morning, my senior year, I woke up with DD boobs and suddenly the whole football team started calling me. I saw it as my chance to leave high school with a bang (literally and figuratively) and ditched my best friend for the beefy, BO reeking jock. Within a week, I was hanging with the top of the high school food chain. I quickly realized that those popular kids, were nothing like the ones in Can’t By Me love or Clueless. They were exactly like my old average friend…boring.
Two months later I left middle-class suburban Philadelphia, for college in Long Island where I learned that everything I knew about fashion, parties, and study ethics was wrong. I was the only kid without a BMW, and the hard drugs I thought were just for criminals were passed around at parties like it was an eighties porn set. These kids didn’t study; they bought their grades. Here you had to join a sorority for training to be a Stepford wife. I just didn’t fit in. I tried to embrace my individuality, but instead embraced NY pizza. I gained the Freshman 40 and put my heart and soul into figuring out who it was I actually wanted to become.
Now, 15 years later, with a husband and two kids I am still trying to figure it all out.
The one thing I have learned is that sometimes the best thing to do is laugh hard, dust yourself off and take a giant bite out of whatever life gives you.
I hope you enjoy my “re-birth” of my blog.