I am pretty sure I’m going to die when I’m 70. I know this because in three weeks I will be 35, and I am having a mid-life crisis.
I have the attention span of a two year old. That not only goes for reading, watching movies and keeping friends, but I am starting to realize that it goes for everything in my life.
In the last ten years I have been a teacher, a diet counselor, a radio show host, a nanny, a stay at home mom, a production assistant, and a small business owner. All of which, I was very good at…until I got bored. The fact that my kids are 6 and 3 and I’m still involved with them is a miracle. Lately when, I look in the mirror and see these horrible laugh lines and aged eyes staring back at me, the more I wish I could go back in time and enjoy my life when it was all about ME.
I find myself fantasizing about sleeping until noon and staying at work until my work is actually finished. I would love to come home, plop on the couch and “veg out” watching anything other than cartoons and superheroes. I’d like to have sex with my husband without my kids banging on the door or worrying that they are going to pick the lock and barge in.
And I’m SO over my mini van. Sometimes, I’ll be dressed really cute and then I have to walk into my nerdy mom-mobile and it just kills the sexy feeling. Don’t get me wrong; I loved that car at first, for its ability to carry tons of kids, sports gear, luggage and “warehouse groceries”. But it turned out that my kids don’t play sports, I hate schlepping other people’s kids around. We learned quickly that traveling as a family by car is a horrible idea and I can do without bulk black beans.
My house has been in a constant state of disarray since we moved into it 6 years ago. It would be awesome if I could just decorate it the way I want to, nice and with some girl colors. (I always loved that purple kitchen on Friends.) I want new dishes and new kitchen cookery; paintings for my walls and actual furniture that is too expensive to worry about anyone standing or coloring on.
I’d love to take two classes at the gym back to back and not feel guilty about wasting two hours that I should be doing the ten thousand loads of laundry that awaits for me daily at home.
I want to be 23 again. I want to change my hair every week, spend my entire paycheck on clothes and go on dangerous diets that put me in horrible moods. I want to watch MTV series marathons all day on a Saturday and only get up to pee when I can’t hold it anymore. I want to sing along to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry in the car on the top of my lungs without anyone telling me that I’m being annoying. Most of all I would love to spend an hour getting ready without anyone bothering me or needing to be rushed to the emergency room.
Don’t get me wrong. I like my life. I enjoy being a mom and a wife. I’ve just found that a person gains all kinds of confidence in their thirties. It would be so much more fun to relive your twenties feeling like that.
I’m not going to be one of those “Tiger Moms” and leave my family high and dry. Maybe this year I’ll just get some Botox and drive our other car around for a few weeks. Yuck. I hate getting old. Maybe its good I won’t make it past 70.